9 things I’d tell my 13-year-old self

Photo by Andy Teo

Photo by Andy Teo

During a recent dinner with friends, one casually posed the question, “What would you tell your 13-year-old self?” I’d heard this question before, and typically dismissed it with a silly or smart-ass response (“Spiral perms are never a good idea!”), but this time I took a minute to think about it. And a bunch of ideas flooded my mind – all serious advice that I wish someone had given me when I was a scared, newbie teen who was anxious about everything and struggling with an eating disorder.

So I decided to share, in the hopes you’ll show it to a teen in need of some advice from the future – or that something will resonate with you.

  1. Don’t be afraid. It will all work out.
  2. Be who you are. Make yourself happy first.
  3. Everyone else is insecure about something, too.
  4. Be a child as long as possible. Your dreams will come true. But enjoy today first.
  5. You’re not dying. It’s an anxiety attack.
  6. Don’t do things hoping you will be rewarded with love or acceptance. The right people will love you for who you are, not what you look like, wear or accomplish.
  7. If you need help, there are places you can go and people to talk to. Get the help – demand it – now.
  8. Know your worth. You deserve happiness. You are perfect as you are, but…
  9. Remember that there’s no such thing as perfect.

So what am I missing? What do you wish you’d known all along? Add to the list by posting a comment below.

Victory Rituals and the life-changing list

Photo: TASTEdaily.com

Photo: TASTEdaily.com

I’m blessed and cursed to have my brain. I learn quickly, so I get bored very easily. I’m a skilled organizer and rarely lose anything, but I break out in hives around clutter. I’m an over-achiever, so I always have a running list of no less than 20 goals I want to accomplish. All good, but all very exhausting.

So when I read about the opportunity to be part of the Victory Rituals beta group – a program designed to help participants focus on and achieve one of their goals – I eagerly signed up. With so many items on my “to accomplish” list, I was overwhelmed and ineffective. I’d focus on one goal for a week or so, then divert my attention to another, ending up with a bunch of big and small half-baked projects. Not very motivating or fulfilling.

The beta
Led by Nicole D’Alonzo of TASTEdaily (if you haven’t checked out this site, do it. Like now.), the beta has consisted of two 30- to 45-minute video workshops to date. The first focused on optimizing your morning routine so you can practice those Victory Rituals that will get you to your goal(s). Nicole offered up tips on identifying your long-term goal, then establishing your daily trifecta – those three things you want to accomplish for the day.

The second workshop focused on getting enough sleep so you can be truly productive, as well as the benefits of rituals. By becoming habits, rituals open up space in our minds so we can focus on the bigger picture. And as we work toward the big picture, we get that motivation and fulfillment those day-to-day tasks just don’t deliver.

So here’s what I did and didn’t do
I decided to focus in on exercising consistently, preparing healthy meals and fitting in time for relaxation as part of a larger goal to become healthier physically and mentally. The first few days after the workshop #1, I was gung ho, setting and accomplishing my trifecta each day. Then I lost steam. My overachieving side was fighting back.

“What about writing that book? When are you going to that?” It taunted.

“And how are you going to get that Project Management Professional certification if you’re busy exercising and relaxing. Seriously, relaxing? You have too much to accomplish to do that!”

But rather than give in, I got out a sheet of paper and wrote down all the goals whirling around in my head. Then I ordered them, with 1 being the most important. And I made a deal with myself. I wouldn’t even think about #2 until I did something that day to work toward #1. And #3 would be but a shadow in the back of my mind until I did something to get me closer to #2 that day. And so on.

By prioritizing my goals, I gave myself the mental room I needed to work – or not work – toward them each day and make actual headway.

The results: I’m down seven pounds, physically stronger and less anxious, and I can finally prepare a healthy dinner for myself without setting off the fire alarms. Success!

While I’m still not a morning person (sigh), Victory Rituals did set me in the right direction toward achieving my goals.

Interested in creating and working toward your own Victory Rituals? Get on the waitlist for the program’s official launch.