The idea came to me one day while I was driving (as all good ideas do!). My mind, which these days, as a new mom, feels so overloaded and exhausted – somehow pulled together all the thoughts and experiences I’d had over the past eight months into a a cohesive story.
I quickly dictated the ideas into my phone (seriously the best phone function ever!), and worked on it over the next couple of weeks until I felt satisfied with its message. I wrote it partly out of the need to get it out of my head and on paper – writing has always been therapeutic for me – and partly because I know I’m not the only mama out there to experience the extreme anxiety that can take hold after baby is born.
I figured if my story could help one person, the article would have done its job. So I submitted it to ScaryMommy.com, and they decided to publish it: The Impossibility of Having It All (And the Toll It Takes On Our Health When We Try).
Putting something so personal out there, and then sharing it with friends and family, was terrifying, but so rewarding… and so freeing. Both old and new friends have reached out to tell me they experience the same inner conflicts and challenges. A few have also battled anxiety their entire lives.
Some of the people who reached out gave up trying a while ago, and some are still convincing themselves they need to. But regardless of their progress, there is a community out there, of mamas and non-mamas alike (and a few dads, too), who’ve helped me realize I no longer need to hide my anxiety anymore. There’s no need to be ashamed of it, and I’m not alone in my struggle to try to have it all.